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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this episode I'm going to talk about how to stop being a victim part two one of my most popular videos is called how to stop being a victim and I think it's one of the most foundational episodes that I've ever done and so what I wanted to do here is I wanted to continue that discussion because I think it helps a lot of people to understand what it is exactly that gets you stuck into victim mindsets so what I'd like you to do for this episode is I'd like you to select one area in your life where you are stuck and you feel like a victim so there's a lot of areas but let me that are possible for you to select but let me give you some hints here as to how to find this what I mean by being a victim is when you start thinking like this I can't it's impossible it just won't work in this situation I've already tried everything I can it's just not gonna happen there's no way it's gonna work I don't know how my genetics aren't gonna allow me my life situation is just such that I can't do it you know my boss is holding me back my husband is holding me back my girlfriend is holding me back my children are eating up all my time there's not enough time in the day I don't have enough money these sorts of reasons right so where in your life do you feel like it's like you're really stuck and you're stuck because of some kind of outer circumstances that are really holding you back and this could be with your health could be with your fitness could be with your diet could be with your money situation with your relationships with your marriage with your children could be with your career could be in business right so go ahead right now take a few moments and select such an area you do have one of these areas doesn't matter if you're a total victim in life or you have a you know a very specific place in your life where you act like a victim but most people have such a place okay so you found that good now keep that in mind as I'm going to be talking here and telling you a little bit about victim mindset so an interesting thing that I was thinking about recently is what makes a victim a victim what makes a victim a victim and it's really sad to me when I see people who are stuck in victim mindsets it's really sad to me and I'll talk about why towards the episode but what makes a victim a victim is this and it's a very profound thing a victim thinks that the external world is a greater obstacle to him than he is to himself did you get that this is very profound let me say it again a victim is a victim because he thinks that the external world is a greater obstacle to him than he is to himself it's critical that you grasp this is such a deep insight you are the only obstacle that's what I'm telling you there are no other obstacles but you anything that you think is an external obstacle such as lack of money or lack of time or that boss that's holding you back or that spouse that's holding you back or the world being unfair or anything like this that that's an illusion it's your mind that's the Stickle always this is always the case this is one of the most like bedrock foundational principles of all self-development is to realize this that what I'm saying is true now the problem of course is that if you're a victim you don't believe me and when I tell you this your mind comes up with all sorts of objections and logic and counter examples which you believe are convincing and refute what I'm saying but that's not the case and I want to show this to you I want to sort of convince you of it that's the whole point of this episode this is very basic stuff all I need you to do is just to grasp this but see there's different levels at which you can grasp this truth there's kind of the surface level of just hearing me say it and understanding it intellectually then there's there kind of secondary a little bit deeper intermediate level of grasping it where you actually kind of like get a little bit convinced of what I'm saying and then there's a really deep level of grasping this when you actually see how this is true and why it's true and you actually see it working in your own life and you see it working in the lives of everyone around you and you just recognize it as a general principle of life so you know we started the top and we kind of work our way down deeper and deeper and deeper so that's what this is all about now when I say that your mind is the obstacle and the only obstacle I'm not just saying that well the solution to all your problems is positive thinking so don't misunderstand me that's not what I'm saying your mind is the obstacle again in many different deep ways so there's layers to which your mind is the obstacle there's the surface level of like oh I'm just not thinking positive enough but then there's much deeper layers and ways in which the mind is the obstacle and a lot of what I do with the various videos I release is I talk about the deeper and deeper and more subtle ways in which your mind is the obstacle but then when people hear that they often leave me comments sinks in like Oh leo what you're talking about is so philosophical so abstract is so theoretical it doesn't apply in my life so why should I even listen to this stuff you know but we got to start somewhere so let's start here see victims don't realize that the mind is the only obstacle they don't actually grasp this they don't see all the ramifications that such a statement has there's a failure in a victim to appreciate the possibility of self-deception and how much their own mind is deceiving them that's just not something I see victims taking very seriously if you're wise you take the possibility of self-deception very seriously it's one of the biggest dangers in life that you have to be guarding against and keeping yourself vigilant against instead of worrying about things like your boss holding you back or enemies that you have or business competitors out there or the bad economy or something about your spouse holding you back or maybe your genetics like you weren't born beautiful or you weren't born confident or you're you didn't have good parents you don't have a good upbringing or you know you weren't born with the best genes or whatever situation you find yourself in life is just kind of a crappy situation instead of worrying about all that kind of stuff which we might gloss and call that all that the external world what you should actually be worrying about is the following your mental filters your attitude your limiting beliefs your judgments unquestioned assumptions you have about reality your lack of introspection visualization or the images that you run through your mind what those are you should be worried about your monkey mind and how it chatters and prattles on and on and on without stopping without any control you should be concerned about your model of reality as a whole you should be concerned about your emotional reactions and how your thoughts and your beliefs are charged by emotional reactions and judgments you should be concerned about what you view as right and wrong and good and evil so basically the self constructed model of morality that you have you should be concerned about the habits that you cultivate or lack thereof you should be concerned about your self talk how do you talk to yourself what words do you use when you talk to yourself and what's the tone of the language you use when you talk to yourself and the fact that this self talk is largely subconscious outside of your everyday awareness you should be concerned about awareness and consciousness and how little mindfulness you have and you should be very concerned about ego and the effects of ego on your relationship to other people the outer world and to yourself that's the stuff you should really be concerned about but as a victim you tend to discount all this stuff you don't spend much time thinking strategizing and even worrying about this you spend most of your time worrying about the external world rather than the internal world or another way I like to put it is that you spend too much time worrying about physics versus psychology you see ah the external world that's like the physical world you're worrying about physical obstacles the internal world that's the psychological world you're worried about the internal obstacles your own mind in other words right that's the internal world one deep thing you fail to realize is that reality or what you call the external world is actually a projection of your internal world and you don't acknowledge just how much external reality is warped by your psychology see for the victim and this is really twisted this is what makes victim thinking so difficult to extricate yourself from is because if you are a victim with regards to some facet of life or to all of life then as a victim part of your internal world or your psychology has a belief in it that says something along the following how I think about the world is not that significant reality just basically is what it is the physical world is what it is and I've got real problems Leo I've got real problems to deal with my problems are real so you have some kind of belief system like that going on inside you and when you believe something like that you're really stuck because a first of all that's totally false so you're just flat-out wrong it's a false belief that you have because how you think is extremely significant and reality is not just what it appears to be reality is just not physical and your problems are not just real-world physical problems so like I said firstly you're just flat-out wrong but secondly when you believe this notice how ingeniously deceptive this is it's deceptive to the point of beauty it's beautiful how deceptive your own mind is and how it deceives you notice that when you believe that your thoughts are not that significant then that means you're not going to take any actions to introspect and think about your thoughts you're not going to be reflective you see your attention is always going to be pointed out there at the external world and it's never gonna want to turn in on itself and to really investigate itself and that's what victims tend to do the reason the victims say stuck is because he doesn't or she doesn't look inside to see how these quote-unquote real problems are actually being created by the victims mind by your beliefs by your attitude by your perspective the reality is is that there are no real problems problems are not things that exist in the external world even though it seems that way what a problem is is a problem is a feature of the mind a problem whatever problem a financial problem a family problem a relationship problem a business problem you know all this kind of stuff these problems they are projections of your mind because it's you who attributes meaning to situations in the external world and then who has goals and objectives and wants to accomplish things right and all those things are parameters of the self of your mind of how you hold yourself relative to reality there is no problem without the mind in fact not only that but the problem has to be actively created your mind actually has to burn calories to create problems it's kind of cool to think of it that way like a problem has to be sustained it has to be fed actively this is an active process a problem you could almost think of it like a a creature living inside your head right like you have a little rodent in there a little guinea pig and you're feeding it all the time but you're not aware of the fact that you're feeding this problem it doesn't seem that way doesn't seem like your money problem could be a little guinea pig living inside your head it seems like the money problem is out there or a relationship problem or a marriage problem or whatever your problem is it's very critical that you grasp this like very critical that's all I want you to do from this episode I don't want you to particularly take any kind of action you don't need to go out there and do anything I'm not telling you need to leave your relationship or you need to stop worrying about your money or you need to stop paying your mortgage I'm not saying to do any of that stuff I'm just saying grasp what I'm telling you at a deeper level see the ramifications of what I'm saying and how it's true in your life you have to recognize that you are creating these problems and until you do recognize and become conscious of the fact that you're creating these problems then you're not going to be able to ever let them go you see you're not really self actualizing until you grasp what I'm telling you right now this is so foundational so foundational until you grasp what I'm telling you your world will appear hostile to you the world will appeal on will appear unfair pressing and cruel and that's how most victims feel about the world or if you don't feel that way about all of life and the whole world then you feel that way about this specific area where you're having your victim mentality maybe you feel like when it comes to genetics and to your heredity you were dealt an unfair hand and that because of that the world is hostile unfair depressing and cruel or maybe you feel like at work because your boss has more power than you you feel like work life or business you might feel like business is hostile unfair depressing and cruel or maybe with relationships you feel that way like you keep trying to get into a relationship maybe you're a woman you keep trying to get into a relationship with it with a good guy you just want to marry a good guy but every new boyfriend you keep getting into a relationship with it just goes bad after a few months every single time and you just have this pattern you can't stop this pattern you don't know why and it feels like well this is how guys are this is how relationships are relationships are hostile unfair depressing and cruel and this is just a situation that you're not going to be able to solve but that's not true you're creating that and how exactly you're creating that that will take you some time to realize that will probably take you months and years to realize how you're creating it and the reason it'll take you so long is largely because you're unconscious and you're resisting what I'm telling you here and you're resisting becoming conscious this is kind of the beginning of the becoming more conscious process but there's a lot more work you have to do I have many more advanced videos that will show you how to do the deeper work but before you can really sink your teeth into those and grasp those you first have to grasp what I'm telling you here what's really sad to me is when I see people that don't grasp what I'm saying here and then it becomes almost impossible to help you becomes impossible for me to help you becomes impossible for your friends or your family to help you you really become stuck because every avenue of a solution that comes your way will be denied by your mind because your mind is searching for the answers in the wrong place let's do a thought experiment imagine for a minute that the inner world is all that matters in life so this would be pretty much the exact opposite of what you currently believe because current you currently basically believe that the outer world is all that really matters in life and that the inner world is not very significant so let's flip that around and just as a thought experiment consider what I'm telling you that the inner world is all that matters now if that were the case if that were true then that means that changing things in the outer world wouldn't work right it wouldn't really matter because by definition we said that the inner world is all that matters so you can change stuff on the outer world but is going to be just like window dressing it's not going to be significant and any problem you try to fix in the outer world is not going to get fixed it's going to keep recurring right over and over and over again and you're just going to become more and more and more frustrated and it's going to really feel like this is an insoluble problem it's impossible to solve this problem so are you imagining that okay good now what's funny is that didn't we just described exactly the situation in which you find yourself being a victim isn't that exactly what your situation is like right now you keep changing the outer world or at least you try and the problem just keeps repeating over and over and over and over and over again with slight variation but basically it just keeps repeating over and over again if you're honest isn't that your situation so shouldn't that inform you or clue you in to the fact that it's the inner world that matters because if you don't change the inner world if you don't correct problems there they will keep being projected out into the outer world it's almost like if you're at a movie and you're watching a favorite movie of yours at the theater with the old-fashioned time projectors and then you see a blip like a smudge on the screen and what you do is you walk up to the screen you try to clean it up but it doesn't clean up the smudge doesn't clean up because the smudge is like a dust particle on the lens of the projector which then gets projected onto the screen so you can clean the screen all you want but if you really want to remove the smudge you have to go clean the lens back there you have to turn kind of inward the eye has to start to look at itself so to speak see and that's what I'm telling you to do here see uh-uh you should not worry so much about the outer world you should not fear the outer world you should fear yourself more than any outer world problem you are the thing you need to fear your mind you have to recognize is not your friend stop gullibly believing your mind that needs to stop that's what's led you to here the reason you're stuck is because you've been gullibly believing yourself and the self is a tricky bastard it's not something you should believe stop allowing your mind to frame control you see what your mind will do frame control you from know this concept of frame control it's kind of like your mind frames every situation in life it almost sets the foundations it sets the parameters it kind of sets the reference point relative to which you judge everything else and usually you're not conscious of how for example people frame control you marketers and advertisers frame control you when they show you a commercial and for example they they're advertising some alcohol and they put a sexy woman next to the beer bottle and she's smiling and your mind just looks at that says oh yeah it's a sexy beautiful woman drinking some alcohol that seems normal but then your mind has recognized how you're being frame controlled in that situation right your brain is already looking at these images and associating a smile with something positive and that's being associated with the alcohol the particulars beer and then that all sinks is your mind completely below the radar of awareness and that's how the advertisers have frame controlled you in this situation or another way that an advertiser can frame control you is for example when they when they want to tell you like the price of the product you're about to buy and let's say the price the product costs $100 but they want the price of $100 and $100 that can be a lot of money for some people depending on the product so what they want to do is they want to make the hundred dollars look like it's really not that much so how do you do that well first by saying that the product actually costs $500 so that's why you ever see on advertisements on TV where they say oh this product costs $500 and we're slashing it off to 400 and we're slashing that off for 300 and we're slashing that off to 200 and then by the time to get to 100 your mind is like oh 100 a hundred is like so cheap compared to 500 so that's just a very classic sleazy marketing tactic but see your own mind does this to you too especially in those situations where you feel like a victim your beliefs about reality are very distorted as a victim and you need to start to take your beliefs very seriously the whole process of belief creation that you go through you to start to really look into that take that process very seriously when you start to acknowledge everything that I'm telling you here once you actually grasp it and you really acknowledge it then what will happen is that all the sudden the following things will start to become relevant to you psychology philosophy contemplation meditation mindfulness non-duality intuition wisdom and truth these things right now if you're a victim to the extent that you are a victim these things are not important to you if you listen to a video or you read an article online about any of these topics that I just mentioned it's going to seem like it's kind of abstract it's going to seem like it doesn't really relate to your problem it doesn't really address the practical burning issue in your life but as soon as you grasp what I'm telling you all the sudden a very important shift will happen in you all the sudden you'll start to take everything I just said much more seriously psychology philosophy contemplation meditation mindfulness non-duality intuition wisdom truth all these things will become very relevant to you you'll become very fascinated you'll become a student of these things these things are going to be like the most burning issues in your mind they'll become paramount and only then can you really get the value out of my videos that you should be a day only then until then you're just going to be skimming the surface you're going to be kind of like looking for little practical tidbits of advice here and there but you're going to be missing all the juicy meat that I'm sharing with you and then I'm going to share even more in the future so take some time to just to contemplate all this time I'm laying some heavy stuff on you here heavy stuff to help you do this let me give you an exercise so this is not just mental masturbation here's the exercise pull out a piece of paper and write down some notes here as I give you this exercise firstly what I want you to do is I want you to select one area in your life where you are a victim be specific about it write it down to the top of the page then what I want you to do is I want you to write down all your justifications for why you can't change in this area for why it's impossible and also for why it's not your fault okay then I want you to identify how the problem seems like it's an external problem then what I want you to do is to identify how the problem is actually an internal problem it's going to seem external but actually it's internal so I want you to to find that contrast find how your mind is hiding from you the fact that this is actually an internal problem watch out for justifying that the problem is external rather than internal you're going to have all sorts of justifications and you're probably gonna want to dispute what I'm saying here and maybe you even agreed with everything I said up to this point in theory but then when it comes to actually your specific problem you're going to disagree with me you're going to say no Leo you know in this situation for me for this problem you don't understand I mean Leo how could you understand my problems I mean you don't understand what I'm deal with in life my problem here this particular problem this is a real external problem so watch out for that kind of justification that your mind does right and then what I want you to do is I want you to ask this following question how am i creating the obstacle how am i creating the obstacle and then ask yourself another question what am i avoiding by creating this obstacle what am i avoiding by creating this obstacle and then finally ask yourself the last question which is what must I believe to be a victim what must I believe to be a victim it's a pretty complex exercise so you might want to go back and rewind and listen to all these and take notes on it write down all these questions and all these steps in this exercise but man if you do this you're going to get a lot of insight into everything I talked about in this episode and you're going to see exactly how it applies to your particular situation and hopefully that will be the beginning of your mind grasping what I was talking about and then we can continue our work in the future with more all right that's it I'm out of here please click the like button for me share this episode with friend uh come check out actualize other work as well I have a newsletter right here it's a free newsletter shows you how to self actualize on a weekly basis right I'm going to be releasing more and more content that's going to follow up on everything I said here and take you deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper into the mastery of yourself and your mind and we're going to explore topics like how do you remove limiting beliefs how do you find out how you deceive yourself how do you become more aware and more mindful how do you install positive habits that help you to avoid these victim traps that you fall into how do you become more successful in a fulfilling way not just in a superficial external world way how do you become the master of yourself to the point where your mind can deceive you no longer that's a journey that takes some work that's a journey that takes months in real year really years of practice but it's very worthwhile and where your life can go if you learn the deceptive aspects of your mind is two incredible places so sign up to my newsletter stay tuned and I'll see you soon with more you